Lost Horizion
by AnonymouslyAddicted
Summary: "I thought religion was the opiate of the masses" "It is. But sometimes you need a good hit" A Jason McCord ramble.


**A/N** : This took forever. I'm not joking, I've been working on this for a week now. And I was stuck so many times (so this would be the time to thank all the people who helped: more-than-words, allducksinarow, oneapothesis, lil'mousie323 and RenDot. Thanks you guys! Sorry for driving you crazy!). I didn't plan for this to be this long, but I'm also not planning it to become a multi chapter story. I know I left it unsolved. Truth is, I don't think it can be solved, not within a one shot anyway. So I really hate this one, and I'm not sure if it's because I struggled with it so much, or because I came to the understanding that I don't know how to write a teenage boy. But this is the best I have (I seem to say that a lot lately, I'm sorry) and I just hope it works. This was requested by a few, but mostly this one is for RenDot who was the first one to ask, and I'm so sorry for taking months to write this. I hope you find it readable. Sorry for the ramble. Thanks for reading!

* * *

 **Lost Horizon**

Jason McCord was never one to play by the rules. Any rules. He was a rebel, an anarchist. And a proud one, too. He always looked for the lies, for the conspiracies. Being the youngest at the McCord house was a challenge. Not only because he had two older sisters, or because his parents both served at the pleasure of a government he didn't believe in. The hardest thing about being the son of the Secretary of State and a retired Marine, was the fact that he was always facing the struggle – he was after all the son of political figure, he couldn't play the anarchist in public.

Of course, there was also the threat. It was always just below the surface, nothing anyone talked about. Not with him anyway. And if there was one thing he hated the most about being the youngest was that he was _forever_ the youngest. Even at 14, every member of his family still treated him like a child, and that meant he was always _always_ left in the dark. It made him suspicious, and he couldn't help but get angry at this, sometimes even for no actual reason.

That day was no different. Coming home from school to find his mom there was sign for nothing but bad news. He hesitantly closed the front door, following the sound of her voice coming from the kitchen. He tried to eavesdrop to the phone call she was having, trying to learn the real reason she was home before she will tell him yet another lie. But she noticed him within seconds and turned to greet him with a smile, hanging up the call.

"Mom" he started.

"Tried to cook lunch. Takeout is on the way, don't worry" she winked at him, turning her attention back to her phone.

"What are you doing here? What happened?" he fired. The anger was already starting to build; he wasn't going to let her off the hook so easily.

"Came for a change of clothes. It's nice to see you too Jason" she teased.

"Mom!" he yelled, making her jump, "what the hell happened?!"

"I spilled coffee on my clothes, Jase. I came home to change into clean ones. What is this about? What's wrong?"

"Nothing" he blurted and ran upstairs to his room, slamming the door behind him.

If only she had the time to look more closely into this. But her phone rang, and it was Nadine, and that meant nothing but bad news. "Yeah" she breathed defeatedly into the phone.

"Ma'am, we just received word that the President and Prime minister of Georgia were forced out of the country, there's a riot on the streets and Russian military is making its way to the country. We're getting information of multiple casualties and chaos throughout the entire country. They need you in the situation room right now".

"Great" she muttered. "I'm on my way".

Standing at the top of the stairs, Jason listened carefully to the phone call his mom was having. He couldn't hear what was being said to her, but the expression on her face, and the way her shoulders slumped when she realized she had to go back to work, he knew. After so long of watching her do this job, he knew when something was going on, something big enough to have him worry.

He found himself spending the rest of the afternoon hold up in his room, pretending to be doing his homework, when in fact he was contemplating on what was being hidden from him. He then pretended to be asleep, hearing his mom walk the hallway to his parents' bedroom. He sighed with relief. It was another day that she did get to come back home to them. He crept out, walking on tiptoes to stand outside the closed door of their room. Clearly, they were both still awake, having some sort of argument.

"Babe, you are not going to Georgia. Not without me".

Elizabeth sank to the bed, letting her head fall against the pillows. "Henry, we are not going to tour the streets. And there's not much you can do to protect me. You're staying here".

Frowning, he crossed his arms. "This is too dangerous and you know it. With Russian military involved, it could turn into a coup, or worse, a civil war, quite quickly, and we've been through this before. I am not letting you go in alone".

"You're being ridiculous. I'm going with my entire security detail".

"Yeah, a lot of good it did when you were in Iran" he scorned.

"Okay fine. It's dangerous. And I might not come back from there. Here, I acknowledged that. What good will it do if you join me? Henry, our kids need a parent. We are not making them go through this again. You're staying here and I'll be fine, I promise".

Sighing, he entered the bed next to her. He pulled her to his embrace, wrapping a strong arm around her slender body. "I hope you know that they need both of us. You have to come back" he whispered, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"I will" she turned to look at him, her eyes soft as she spoke. "Keep an eye on Jason when I'm gone, will you?"

He nodded. He didn't want to spend any time asking questions. He knew something was wrong; they both knew it. But neither had the time to actually do anything about that and they only hoped that it was a teenage thing, and that it would be okay as long as they managed to put out the fire before it emerged at their doorstep.

Standing outside, he heard it al. He felt the anger building at the request his mom made; she once again thought of him as the baby, as someone who needed to be looked after. Frowning, he retreated to his room, shutting the door and hiding behind the covers. His mom was going away to another crazy part of the world, and there was nothing he could do about it. There was nothing he could do about the fact that they will probably lie to him about that. He knew it was for his own good, that that's what they thought, but if they had to see it was only making it worse.

"Jason!" Henry called from downstairs.

It was late; he had to go to school, but he was still up in his room. He didn't even come out to say goodbye to Elizabeth when she left. What was the point, really, it was all fake anyway. Instead, he stayed in bed with his headphones, scrolling through the news about Georgia. He didn't hear his father calling him for what might have been the fifth time now; he didn't notice his presence when he was standing next to his bed. He jumped when Henry touched his hand, turning to meet his father's quizzing eyes.

"Jase, is everything alright?"

"Yeah. Fine".

Henry didn't buy it for a second. Elizabeth had a reason to ask him to keep an eye on him, and he was beginning to see why. "We have to go, you're going to be late for school". Henry knew better than to push. Jason would talk on his own terms, if ever.

Reluctantly, Jason got up and reached for his backpack, his phone still on the bed. It was then that Henry noticed the open page – "Protestors are going wild on the streets of Georgia; Russia is helping to arm them". He turned his look away from the phone the minute Jason reached for it, pretending that he didn't see anything. While it was true that he and his wife were trying to protect Jason from a lot of things, just like they were trying to protect their daughters, Jason was still young, and quite immature, and it made it so hard to actually share anything with him. At least the girls would speak up what was on their mind instead of hiding behind some mascaraed of anger about nothing. He wondered, at that moment, if it was smart to keep him in the dark like this. Maybe if they did talk openly about things, he would open up. Maybe even grow up.

"So, are you up for a Call of Duty marathon? Maybe I can finally beat you" Henry tried, turning to the one place where Jason felt comfortable enough talking.

"What?" Jason turned to look at his dad, still deep in thought as the car strolled down the street.

"You and me Jase. Stevie and Alison are out for the night. We can order pizza too".

"No, um, actually, can I spend the night at Bobby's tonight?"

Giving him one final look, Henry realized he wasn't going to get Jason to talk. Not tonight anyway. "Yeah, sure" he replied.

It was almost midnight when she finally called. The TV was on but he didn't bother to watch whatever it played. He held the phone in his hand, willing it to ring, desperate to hear the sound of her voice after all the intel he received during the day. While it was a bit soothing to be in the loop of information, and not having to be fed by the news, it was also far more stressful. The images that kept coming from Georgia were bad, and he knew Elizabeth was there working to find a solution to something that might be too big for her to handle. His heart skipped a beat the minute her name appeared on the screen, and a small smile crept up his lips.

"Secretary McCord" he breathed into the phone.

"Hello Professor" he could almost feel the grin on her face when she said those words. "Sorry for taking so long to call, we were in an endless meeting".

"Did you come up with anything?"

"Still working on it, we're on a break. We are trying to remind them of what a hell it was to be under the Soviet regime, and Russia is of course trying to show them how wonderful it will all be. Or how bad it wouldn't if they fight against it. You know, standard world problems. How are you?"

"Lonely" he teased.

"Last I checked we have three kids, where are they?"

"Babe, as much as I love the kids, this is not what I had in mind. But they're out too".

"I want to ask what you did have in mind, but I'm not alone, and I have a feeling this requires privacy" she giggled, "Jason is out too?"

"Yeah, sleepover at Bobby's".

The other end of the line went silent. He knew she was still there, as he kept hearing the distant ramble in the room she was in, but she didn't say a word. "Babe?" he tried.

"Bobby is away, Henry. He went to Canada with his parents for a year, his dad has some work he needed to do there. They left about three weeks ago".

She waited as the information sunk, as Henry realized their son lied, and they had no idea where he was. "Matt" he heard her calling, "I need you to do me a favor".

They waited for Matt to return with any information about their son, neither daring to say another word. They knew better than to freak out; her DS Agents always knew the whereabouts of every member of their family, and while at times it felt like a burden, today it was most certainly a blessing. Sitting in the darkness of their living room, Henry rubbed his tired eyes. He failed her. He made her a promise, and he failed her. It was supposed to be an easy one to keep, too. "Baby" she called, interrupting his thoughts, but also reading into the silence. "This is not on you. Wherever Jason is, he decided to go there, and there was nothing you could do to stop this. We both educated them not to lie, and if he did – that's on both of us".

He nodded, though she couldn't really see him. "Ma'am, Jason is at the farmhouse" Matt returned with the news. "Ma'am, the meeting is back on, we need you" unaware of Elizabeth's own personal drama at home, Nadine interrupted Matt as he spoke. Sighing, she stood, handing Matt her phone, "could you, please? It's Henry".

It was the last time they talked. She didn't even get to say goodbye. Still carrying the weight of Iran, Henry walked around the room of Murphy's Station, trying to quiet down the bad feeling he had. Jane and Jose tried to make him still, turning to the reason he always obtained. They knew nothing, so it meant that nothing was going on. She was just busy, which was pretty understandable. But he needed so badly to hear her voice, if only so that he can reassure their son whenever he decides to come back home. _This house is a target_ , her words still lingered in his head, even months later. Sometimes, it really did feel like that. A target. Within the fortress they built. He couldn't blame Jason for running away to the farmhouse. He couldn't blame him for finding this habit of lying to them so he could run off to his childhood home. He felt safe there. There were no coups, no terrorists, no dirty bombs. No one was threatening to harm them in any way, not there. It was the only place he felt safe, and at that moment, Henry wanted nothing more than to turn back time to when they used to live there, to when they had no worries aside from school tasks and cooking dinner.

It was 3pm when he shut the front door behind him. He wanted to be home to greet Jason from school. That is if he even went to school. He decided, the night before, that he was going to let him have the space he clearly needed. Jason wasn't in any danger being at the farmhouse, and Henry figured it would be best to let him be. They should handle this together once Elizabeth returns. _If_. He blinked his eyes a few times, trying to rid of that thought. She had to.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, staring at the dark screen. "Embassy was evacuated" a notification appeared on his screen and he felt his legs weaken. He reached for the chair, needing to sit down as he made the call to figure out exactly what was going on. "Henry, calm down" Jose started the minute Jane answered the phone at Murphy Station. "Protestors are now fully armed with Russian munitions, and the Russian military is already in the streets. This was an order from the President, to evacuate the embassy before anything happens. CIA is still trying to reach the Secretary's team on the ground, but with everything that's being going on, all communications are down. But remember, we would know if something was wrong. We just wanted to give you a heads up before it reaches the news".

"Dad!" the door opened and Stevie and Alison rushed inside, the fear already possessing them. IT hit the news, he realized. And he wasn't doing a very good job in hiding anything from them with the fear his own face conveyed.

"Where is she? Did you talk to her? Dad, they're saying there was an explosion inside the embassy" they both fired.

"There's a civil war in Georgia. But mom is on her way out of there, she's not in the embassy anymore. I can't reach her because the lines are dead, but I would know if something happened to her. I need you two to stay as calm as possible, please. Jason should be home soon and the kid is scared enough, we need to… Let's just stay calm until we hear anything, okay? And turn off the news, it's not doing any of us any good".

They both nodded, sinking into the arms of their dad, letting him embrace them into the warmth of his hug. "She's going to be okay. This isn't Iran, and she's not alone there" he whispered, needing to sooth them, but also himself.

It was only hours later that his phone finally rang, her name once again appearing on the screen. They were all sitting on the couch in the living room, each trying to focus on something. They all jumped, moving quickly next to him to listen. "Hey you" she called, her voice soft and calm, so different from when he first heard her after Iran.

"Putting you on speaker, the kids want to hear you as well".

"Hey you guys! I'm sorry I had you all worried. I'm alright, I swear. We got out of there in time. I'm coming home, we're on the plane now". They all sighed with relief and Elizabeth was able to relax in her chair. She was coming home, just as she promised.

Climbing to their bedroom, he took her off of speaker and closed the door behind him. Neither of the kids said anything, they knew better than to interrupt their privacy. "Babe are you sure you're okay?"

"Promise. I'm fine, really. I'll be home before you know it".

He smiled, and she could feel it, making her smile as well. "Promise to wait up for you".

Laughing, she shook her head. "It'll take a while, so I wouldn't do that. How is he?"

"Hasn't said much since he came home. I didn't ask. We were waiting to hear from you".

She sighed. This wasn't going to get any easier. "Henry, do you think we ruined his childhood?" she asked quietly, too scared to voice these words. Too scared of the answer.

"I want to say no, but… I don't know. Running to the farmhouse? That's… Maybe he needs to talk to someone?"

"He needs to talk to us, but we are always running off places, and he's left to deal with the fear of losing us. He didn't sign up for this Henry, this is our doing. And we promised we wouldn't let this hurt our family. So what are we doing here?"

Henry sighed, sinking to the bed. He had nothing. She was right, she was. Family first, it's what they always promised. Yet here they were, running off to save the world while their kids were left being scared theirs was about to come to an end. It was for their sake, it's what they kept saying. They wanted a better future, a better world, for their kids to grow in. But at what cost?

The next day wasn't much different. Jason didn't say a word since the call from Elizabeth and as hard as Henry tried to make him talk, he just retreated to his phone or his game or his room. Staying at home that day, he was glad to see Jason coming back from school, although he locked himself in his room for the rest of the afternoon.

Checking his watch every two minutes, Henry was on edge waiting for her to return. His eyes closed when he heard her motorcade driving up their street and he ran to the front door just in time to greet her the minute she entered the house. Falling into his arms, they both inhaled the scent of each other, relaxing immediately at the feeling of their bodies pressed together. She looked at him and he leaned closer to kiss her, finally letting go of the stress.

He glanced at her when their lips broke, noticing the bruise she had on her arm, his eyes growing dark. "It's nothing" she said instantly. "Matt rushed us out of the building and he grabbed my arm a little too tight".

He nodded, his fingers moving on her colored skin. "Where is he?" she asked.

"Upstairs, since he came home from school". Elizabeth nodded and they both made their way to Jason's room. This was one talk neither of them knew how to handle, but they had to.

"Jase" Elizabeth called softly as she entered his room. He stood quickly, running to hug her, letting out a breath he was holding for days. She kissed the top of his head, wrapping strong arms around him, smiling as she felt Henry's arms wrap around the two of them.

"I'm glad you're home" Jason said, freeing himself from the hold of his parents.

"Good. Because we need to talk" she led him back to the bed, sitting next to him. "I understand you went to the farmhouse".

Narrowing his eyes, he felt the anger starting to build. "Yeah, so?"

"So you told me you're staying at your friend's house" Henry trailed.

"Because I didn't want to have this exact conversation!" he yelled, standing up and distancing himself from his parents.

"Jason" Elizabeth's voice was calm; she wasn't mad. Henry wasn't mad either. "We can't help you if you don't talk to us".

"I don't need your help" he answered bitterly. "Truth is, I don't need anything from you. You've done enough".

"Jason".

"No! I'm so sick of this! You keep using this ridiculous excuse of doing this for us. This is not for us. This is so that you can feel better about yourself, to help you sleep better at night! You wouldn't have put us through this, if it was for us! You went to Iran when there was a coup, and you knew it! And you never bothered to tell me that I almost lost my mother there! And then you went to Pakistan to chase a terrorist! And you think I'm such a baby that I didn't figure it out! You barely came back! Those trips were on purpose. Just like this one. You deliberately put yourself at the line of fire, and us? What? We mean nothing to you? You think that if you won't tell me where you are, that I'm not going to figure it out? That I wouldn't understand that this is huge enough for you to keep this from me? Newsflash, I'm 14 now! And I highly doubt any other 14 years old boy has to deal with his parents running off to save the world. I'm just so sick of this! I want a normal life! I want to be able to go to school and not care about the news or what's going on around the world! You ruined my life!"

Shocked, they stared at each other for a second before turning back to Jason. "Jase" Henry started, trying to reach for his hand.

"You want me to end up like you? With no parents?! That's the better future you have in mind for us?!" he yelled, looking at Elizabeth as he fired the words. He then stormed out of the room, and then out of the house, leaving them behind.

Henry's instincts worked quickly, and he immediately moved to wrap his arms around her. She was already sobbing, clinging to him. "Henry" she mumbled, trying to catch her breath.

"Baby, he's just angry. We will find a way to fix this".

"But he's right. I can't… I can't let him go through what I went through. I can't" she cried into his shoulder.

It was evening when Jason finally made it back to the house. He looked like he has been crying, but no one dared to say a word as he passed them by. Elizabeth was still in his room, refusing to leave until he came back, unable to stop her own tears. He opened the door to find her sitting on his bed, staring at the floor, her fingers fidgeting with the rings on her finger. She was thinking, Jason realized. She always did that when she was thinking. She looked up when she noticed his presence and ran to pull him to her arms. He tried to push her away, but she refused to let him.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry" She muttered.

"It's okay mom".

"No, baby, it's not. I swore I would do my best to make sure you never have to go through what I went through as a child, and I failed. I… I promise you I will find a way to fix this, I will. I need you to bear with me, please".

Jason nodded, feeling the tears pool in his eyes again. "I didn't mean to hurt you. Before, I didn't mean to…"

She wrapped her arms around him again, pulling him to her. "Neither did I" she whispered, feeling the tears fall from her eyes.


End file.
